Skip to main content

For the "Bah Humbug" File

WHEN CHRISTMAS CAROLS LEAD US ASTRAY

Mary did know. The angel told her. Read your bible.
The night was not silent. A baby was being born in a barn for goodness sake.
The little Lord Jesus did make crying. He was a healthy human baby after all.
If someone wishes you a merry Christmas but won’t leave until they get figgy pudding then A) they have terrible taste and B) they don’t care about your merry Christmas.
No matter how many times you sing “oh Christmas tree” it still can’t hear you.
Rockin around the Christmas tree will only make a mess and might be a safety hazard.
Just because it’s cold outside does not give a man the right to ply a woman with drinks and force her to stay longer.
If your kid thinks he witnessed you kissing Santa Claus it will cause him far less angst to know the truth about Santa than to think you’re philandering.
Droning endlessly about “simply having a wonderful Christmas time” does nothing to make it a wonderful Christmas time.
We all know what “Feliz Navidad” means. There’s no need to turn into drunk karaoke guy and wail about wishing me a merry Christmas.
I love you, honey, but I also want an iPad pro and an Edie Bauer gift card for Christmas.
Based on how most people in the South whine about 50 degree weather they would have no fun in a one horse open sleigh.
Yes, they know it’s Christmas. Christmas isn’t an American holiday.
Daddy, you shouldn’t get drunk any day, let alone Christmas.
I am dreaming of a white Christmas. I guess El Nino ruined that.
The little drummer boy’s mama should have told him that babies don’t like drum solos.
Are we sure King Wenceslas was good? He never did anything for me. And I feel like we’ve all been missing out on the feast of Stephen. Someone’s holding out.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Ready for Friday

Learn to know Christ and him crucified. Learn to sing to him, and say, "Lord Jesus, you are my righteousness, I am your sin. You have taken upon yourself what is mine and given me what is yours. You have become what you were not so that I might become what I was not." --Martin Luther
Post a Comment
Read more

Families' Fridays

From Focus on the Family 10 helpful tips for single parents Imagine this: you’re the sole parent for your children. You get them up, get them fed and send them to school. You do the housework, maybe you go to work yourself, you get home and you’re still the only adult there. There’s no one to relieve you. No one to pass the baton to while you take a shower or take a few minutes for yourself. You make dinner and gather the family around the table to eat. You play with them, read to them, give them baths, get them to bed and there’s no one there to sit with and process your day. There’s no one there to laugh with you or pray with you. Instead you keep working. You clean up the house again. You pack lunches for the next day. And you eventually crash into bed, knowing you’ll be doing the same thing tomorrow. For many, this is not an imagined scenario. When you parent alone – whether due to divorce, the loss of your spouse or having a spouse who works away from home for long periods of...
Post a Comment
Read more

The walking, talking providence of God

Today I met a man in Israel I will never forget.  Fifteen years ago he was voting in a primary for candidates of the Likud party.  At the polling station, two Palestinian terrorists burst in upon the crowd who were choosing their candidate for the next election.  They sprayed the crowd with automatic gunfire.  Seven people fell to the floor, wounded by the barrage.  The terrorists moved among the fallen, stopping to shoot each one between the eyes to make sure that they were dead.  Six people died that day.  Today I met the seventh. He was wounded four times in the initial burst of gunfire - once in each leg, once in the arm and once in the side.  The terrorists then put a gun two feet from his face and put a bullet between his eyebrows.  I saw the deep scar with my own eyes.  The next year he spent in a coma. Today I met him at the little restaurant he owns outside the gates of the ancient ruins of Beth She'an.  He stood in f...
Post a Comment
Read more