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For the "Bah Humbug" File

WHEN CHRISTMAS CAROLS LEAD US ASTRAY

Mary did know. The angel told her. Read your bible.
The night was not silent. A baby was being born in a barn for goodness sake.
The little Lord Jesus did make crying. He was a healthy human baby after all.
If someone wishes you a merry Christmas but won’t leave until they get figgy pudding then A) they have terrible taste and B) they don’t care about your merry Christmas.
No matter how many times you sing “oh Christmas tree” it still can’t hear you.
Rockin around the Christmas tree will only make a mess and might be a safety hazard.
Just because it’s cold outside does not give a man the right to ply a woman with drinks and force her to stay longer.
If your kid thinks he witnessed you kissing Santa Claus it will cause him far less angst to know the truth about Santa than to think you’re philandering.
Droning endlessly about “simply having a wonderful Christmas time” does nothing to make it a wonderful Christmas time.
We all know what “Feliz Navidad” means. There’s no need to turn into drunk karaoke guy and wail about wishing me a merry Christmas.
I love you, honey, but I also want an iPad pro and an Edie Bauer gift card for Christmas.
Based on how most people in the South whine about 50 degree weather they would have no fun in a one horse open sleigh.
Yes, they know it’s Christmas. Christmas isn’t an American holiday.
Daddy, you shouldn’t get drunk any day, let alone Christmas.
I am dreaming of a white Christmas. I guess El Nino ruined that.
The little drummer boy’s mama should have told him that babies don’t like drum solos.
Are we sure King Wenceslas was good? He never did anything for me. And I feel like we’ve all been missing out on the feast of Stephen. Someone’s holding out.

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