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A Little Satire


Paula White Advising Trump On How To Exploit Name Of Jesus For Personal Gain


NEW YORK, NY—After it was reported that she had “led him to Christ,” sources confirmed that Paula White, televangelist and Senior Pastor of New Destiny Christian Center in Florida, is actively advising Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump on how to shamelessly exploit the name of Jesus Christ for personal gain.
White, who has decades of experience misusing Christ’s name for extravagant monetary profit, has become Trump’s “spiritual adviser,” according to sources, and looks to leverage her expertise to help the Republican frontrunner prostitute the Son of God’s name in return for evangelical votes.
“She started by reportedly getting [Trump] to say the ‘sinner’s prayer,’ which, just right there, was a shrewd move, and will get a good chunk of evangelicals to instantly declare him a Christian,” noted political analyst Michael Kelly. “She’s teaching him how to manipulate people by perverting the name of Jesus, the gospel, the Bible, and any other sacred thing he can get his hands on, in order to benefit himself—basically, what she’s been doing since the early 90s.”
“These slimy prosperity gospel tactics translate well into the political realm, for obvious reasons,” the expert added.

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