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It's Just Satire . . . Maybe


Powerful Time Of Worship Draws Woman Closer To Her Own Emotions Than She’s Been In A Long Time


RAPID CITY, SD—Sources are reporting that local woman Britney Mollison experienced the presence of her own emotions more powerfully than she has in a long time during a time of worship Wednesday night. According to Mollison’s own testimony, about three-quarters of the way through the set of dramatic songs blasting from the band onstage out to the worshipers, she was finally able to surrender all to her feelings.
“In that moment, when the bridge to ‘Oceans’ reached its crescendo and the keyboardist masterfully applied the wah pedal, my emotions were more real to me than I can remember,” Mollison sobbed to sources. “It was just me and and my personal relationship to the chemicals in my brain responding to stimuli. Nothing else mattered.”
According to Mollison, the only hiccup of the night came during the third song of the set—“some old hymn” that was “too wordy to really get into.”
But the worship band reportedly pulled out of their nosedive and bounced right back into an inspiring mashup of John Mayer’s “Say What You Need to Say” and Francesca Battistelli’s “Holy Spirit.”
“It was just so great to sing to the third person of the Trinity, asking Him to fill up the atmosphere so I could really connect with my inner affections.”
“That’s what worship is all about,” she added.

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