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I Am Not God

I have always thought of myself as a fairly laid-back, easy-going kind of person.  In my own eyes, I always seem to be the rational and reasonable one.  Wise and thoughtful, I would never be the person who had to have his own way.

Wow, is self-deception ever strong.

The past few weeks have been tough.  Things in which I have invested my life have come to nought.  People in whom I trusted, have done things of which I never thought they would be capable.  Friends who received mentoring and training at my hands have turned their back on that teaching and have tossed me aside as a has-been with no bearing on the future.

And all the while. . .deep inside. . .an ugly little monster has ranted and raved. . . My dirty little secret has made itself so evident that even I can see it with my own eyes.  I want to be in control.  I want to tell everybody what they are doing wrong.  I want to smooth the waters and make everything better.  I want to punish those who have hurt those I love - but most especially I want to punish those whom I believe have hurt me.

But. . . I AM NOT GOD. 

Oh God, please forgive me when I want to wrench the future from your hands so that I can write its lines myself.  Forgive me for the fire I would call down from heaven upon the very ones you died to save.  Forgive me when I forget that there is but one God who holds all power in His Almighty hands - and I am not that God.

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