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Getting our Terms Correct

I have heard a number of different pastors speaking about forgiveness lately.  The question that has been upon their lips is "Can we forgive someone who does not want to be forgiven?"  For many the answer to the question seems to be "No."  After all, if a person refuses to repent and change the behaviour that caused the offense, then there is no possible way that we can enter into relationship with them.  For example, if someone has borrowed money from me and not returned it, I am not obligated to continue loaning him money.  The argument then is that I have not truly forgiven the person if I refuse to allow him to take advantage of me again.

I think this debate has occurred because we have confused forgiveness with reconciliation.  This is understandable because in our eternal forgiveness in Jesus Christ, we have at the same time been reconciled to a holy God.  Forgiveness of our trespasses has resulted in reconciliation with God and Christ.

However, we do have forgiveness extended in Scripture with reconciliation.  The most notable expression of such is in the forgiveness of Christ of the very people who were at that very moment crucifying him.  They were not seeking forgiveness, but Christ asks the Father not to charge this sin to their account.  The same is true in the murder of Stephen in the book of Acts.  Even as his murderers are casting the stones that will kill him, he begs forgiveness on their behalf.  It would seem, therefore, that it is possible to forgive those who grievously harm us without any repentance on their side.  In fact, I would argue that forgiveness is demanded even for those who hurt us horribly if we are to reflect the grace of Jesus.

However, reconciliation is not possible without repentance on the part of the offender.  The only way I can live out the full import of the forgiveness that Christ calls upon me to give comes only if the  party to be forgiven desires to be forgiven.  The goal of biblical forgiveness is always reconciliation.  Unfortunately, such reconciliation is only possible with one who is willing to repent.  This is where this present discussion on forgiveness fails.  I am absolutely required to forgive anyone who offends against me.  I am not obligated to be reconciled to them in their continued sin.  I am only obligated to reconcile if they are willing to confess and repent. 

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